The Opposite Effect
by AnActualBirb
Summary: The adventure begins when Dexter, once again, splits himself in two.
1. I: Starting Theory

In a different dimension, we find Ben Tennyson fleeing for his life.

 _ **'Crap! Gotta hide, gotta hide!'**_ He thinks, he looks around only to be reminded the only thing in this dimension besides a massive void was a two meter across path consisting of only blue gravel and nothing else. _**'Heh, why am I not surprised? How the hell did this happen again?'**_

 **Earlier...**

Dexter stood in front of a blackboard furiously wiping out it's contents and scribbling in replacements. _**'Change the equation here, add a zero there, remove this formula, give x a value... there. that should blow up in my face quite nicely.'**_ He thought with pride. And then Ben materialized out of nowhere and interrupted his evil mischief with an enthusiastic "Hey Dex! How's it going?" almost giving him a heart-attack. Therefore, he eloquently replied with "What's it to ya? You fucking retard."

"Eh? Retard? Did you stay up all night again?" Ben asked, confused and slightly startled.

"Do I look tired to you, dumbass?" Dexter retorted in a rather annoyed manner.

"You really _should_ be nicer to our dear friend..." a voice reprimanded from behind them.

It was a second Dexter! Ben was dumbstruck. However, now he noticed why something had felt off when he approached the other Dexter. They looked slightly different! The first Dexter's hair was styled straight and he wore square glasses, whereas the second Dexter's hair was curly, just bordering on bushy, and wore round glasses. He was holding a wrench and had a hand on his hip, perfectly mimicking a disappointed mother.

 _ **'Son of a bitch. He actually fixed the bot that fast? Should have trashed it better.'**_ The first Dexter mused.

 _ **'Oh, so Dexter has a twin. Wait...what?'**_

"Um...Dex...ters?" Ben accidentally puzzled over out loud.

"That's correct Benjamin!"

"Shut up, kissass!" First Dexter snapped at his much nicer counterpart, and all because he was being encouraging. The poor dear.

 _ **'How could I get drunk without noticing?'**_ Ben pondered "Mind explaining?"

"Teehee, certainly!" Polite Dexter cutely giggled.

 _ **'Is he...trying...to act**_ **cute?!** ** _'_** Rude Dexter was rather alarmed and mildly offended at this turn of events. PD cleared his throat.

"A few years back we attempted to remove DeeDee's rude trait, so, we created..."

 **-The Opposite Effect-**

"...The Rude Removal System!" a young Dexter enthusiastically announced to his sister, referring to a large and complicated machine behind him. "Okay, listen," he started off, gesturing to a simply drawn chart "to simplify this: DeeDee minus rude equals happy Dexter."

DeeDee was offended "Oh yeah? _You're_ the rude one, brother!"

Dexter gave her a rather undignified look. "It is you that is rude!" he spat.

"No, you!" DeeDee pointed at him.

"No, you!" Dexter pointed back.

"You!"

"You!"

"You're right, brother," DeeDee relented "I am the rude one. _See?"_ she stated, giving him a swift and hard kick to the rump that sent him stumbling right into the RRS's control panel. Enraged and rushing to retaliate, he did not notice he had hit the "ON" button.

And so they ended up in a death match fulled with punches, kicks and dirty tricks until, once again, Dexter was sent flying, this time into one of the glass chambers of the RRS. Eager to continue kicking nerd ass, DeeDee jumped in after him.

"RUDE REMOVAL PROCEDURE BEGINNING NOW." Computer announced.

 **-The Opposite Effect-**

"Instead of removing the rude traits, it personified them." The film in the projector rolled to a finish, showing a picture of rude Dexter and DeeDee in the other glass chamber. "And thus, we are the polite and rude alter-egos," Polite Dexter concluded.

"But if you're alter-egos where's regular Dexter?"

"Well, you see, it was more of a separation -as we just witnessed- than cloning."

"Then did you try going through the machine again?" Ben inquired, sitting up in his green bean-bag chair.

"That is not possible." PD stated, munching on some popcorn.

"Why not?"

Then there was a sudden massive explosion behind them. PD was startled straight out of his seat. He moved so fast his glasses fell off. "Einstein's ghost! The lab!" he exclaimed, rushing to prevent further damage. As he went RD came strutting in and gracefully plopped himself into a still shell-shocked Ben's lap.

"What, exactly, do you think I sent to hell first?" He questioned smugly.

"Wasn't that a bit uncalled for?" Ben questioned, not at all disturbed at being used as a chair. Ben didn't even have time to blink before he was being straddled and glared at with all the malice RD had in him (which was a lot). "Well...why not just... build a new one?" Ben asked, getting back to topic. With each word RD's glare got more and more demonic, Ben could swear he felt the room catch fire from it's intensity.

"We can't." PD stated, covered in soot, he fell back into his purple bean-bag chair, giving an exhausted sigh.

"Why not?" Ben inquired, grabbing RD by the face and shoving him from Ben's lap to the floor. And from said floor RD answered with " _Dumbass_ over there lost the _blueprints._ " and under his breath he moaned "Thwarted by my own polite self."

"You guys don't have a back-up? That's not like you."

"That's... where things get a little complicated..." PD sheepishly informed.

"Like hell it does!" RD shouted outraged and shoved himself up from where he was sulking on the floor "There's a hard-copy in the old abandoned part of the lab. But there's a group of fucking insane robots there that put a price on out heads. Those ungrateful motherfucking cu-"

"They're just after you?"

"Well, yes. We... we abandoned them after inventing them and... they got rather mad at us for it." At least PD was apologetic about it.

"No sweat then! I'll just go over there and get them!" Ben volunteered.

"You're serious?" both Dexter's exclaimed, one touched, one outraged (can you guess which is which?).

"Sure! I'll be back before you even notice I'm gone!" He dialed the omnitrix to Jeray and slammed the dial down. He was just about to take off when he remembered something rather important. "Uh...which way?"

Both Dexters just pointed in the general direction. And Ben took off with a nonchalant "thanks" thrown over his shoulder.

"What a moron." RD stated.

"Oh we both think he's adorable and you know it!"

 _"Shut the fuck up!"_


	2. II: Oh, for the love of blueprints!

The abandoned part of the lab was a creepy place to walk through. Everything was rusty and dirty, screaming NEGLECT like a flashy neon sign on a strip club, just less exciting. Ben's feet would on occasion kick a nut or bolt across the floor into some contraption or another with a answering _clunk_ directly available. At least it was _something_ besides eerie silence. The Omnitrix's battery had, unfortunately, expired just before he reached his destination and he was now stuck searching the old fashioned way - _on foot (dun-dun-duuuuuun)._

"I should have asked for a GPS or something, this place is freaking _huge!_ " he lamented. His echoes bounced back at him, as if mocking his thoughtlessness.

He head movement behind him and ducked into a machine. The Dexters said the robots were only after him... or well, _them_ but he wasn't taking any chances unless he had to. The name plate on the platform of the machine labeled it as a 'Interdimentional Doorway'.

 ** _'Good thing it's not on'_** Ben figured.

However as the universe would have it, luck was not on his side today. The broken power cable was laying over the robot's path and as it moved over the break it completed the circuit and so the device was activated.

 **-The Opposite Effect-**

"I wonder how Ben is fairing."

"I'd bet terribly."

"Really? For what reason?"

"He doesn't know where the filing cabinets are, you moron!"

"Oh dear! I didn't even think about that! Should we go help him?"

"Nah, let 'im suffer. He wanted to go, it's his fault he's lost."

"But there are dangerous inventions there! What if he accidentally sets one off? I don't mean it badly, but you know how clumsy he can be in a lab."

"We're not fucking going."

"And we're not even sure if the robots there are only after us or if they'd go after any poor fellow that passes by! What if he runs into them? _Poor Benjamin!_ Oh he should have never gone!"

"Oh goddamnit are you his _mother?_ He's got the Omnitrix for fuck's sake, I don't see the problem here!"

"The problem is Ben is out there! _Alone!_ And possibly in danger! How will we sleep at night if something happens to him?"

 _"FINE!"_

"What are you doing with those weapons?"

 _"WE'RE FUCKING GOING, YOU ANNOYING TWAT!"_

 **-The Opposite Effect-**

Now that we're all catched up on events I can tell you that Ben has struck gold and found a cave extending out from the path and had quickly jumped in. Panting like and ox, Ben hugged the wall and listened for the booming footsteps.

He listened with rapt attention.

And listened.

...And listened.

...And listened...?

"I don't hear anything. Maybe it ran past?" he whispered moving out the mouth of the cave " how would it move past with footsteps so _loud?_ " He looked around. "Wow. Guess it was so stupid it didn't notice me dive into that hole," he stated smugly. Then he felt hot breath creep down his neck. The monster had appeared behind him.

"This scene is so overused," Ben deadpanned as he turned to look.

It was a big and lumpy mess of a living organism, with unsymmetrical eyes on a blob of flesh that probably served as it's head. The mouths were on it's huge and bulky arms, with jagged and gnarly teeth, salivating like it was their job (which, okay, it probably _was_ ). The beast gave a bellowing roar that must have come up from wherever it's stomach was suited that vibrated through, well... everything.

"But apparently still effective!" Ben yelped and started running. Again. Be was sure his legas were going to give out and quit their job as legs and be tentacles instead. Live the dream legs! _Live_ the _dream!_

Noticing a rock Ben skid to a halt and threw it. The results were phenomenal! It's head actually _exploded!_ Ben stood there, so puzzled the might as well have been a chameleon in a bowl of skittles. "You have _got_ to be kidding me." And, in fact, I am. It did not take long for the monster's head to grow back, all the while Ben stood there and contemplated his life choices.

"I'm starting to think I should have stayed in bed today," he wondered out loud oh so helpfully. The monster wacked him with a back-hand so hard that he was left flying off the path in a straight horizontal line for quite a while before he started to descend to the abyss below, falling for what would be an eternity without aid. Luckily, though, the Omnitrix had finished recharging a few seconds into his free fall. _"It's about freaking time!"_ he shouted at a _device_ to scold it for something that could not be helped. Shame on you, Ben.

More helpfully, he dialed the Omnitrix and selected-

"Big Chill!"

-and flew through the monster to freeze it from the inside out. He was left to marinade in his success for all of two seconds before the creature's body heat melted the ice into a little waterfall off the side of the tiny path. Ben heaved a sigh. "I don't suppose you know of a way back?" He asked the big lumpy blob of flesh.

The monster contemplated him for a while. I assume it's thought process was along the lines of _I don't want you here, you don't want to be here, might as well help a bro out_ because after about a minute it punched the ground and created a vortex.

"Cool, thanks!" Ben didn't feel like questioning it so let's follow his example and just continue through to the other side of the vortex with him and see what that brings.

 **-The Opposite Effect-**

"You are such an _irritating prat_ for talking me into this and I regret coming with," RD grumped as he piloted an updated and larger version of the hover craft they first discovered this part of the lab with.

"You and I are the same person, though we may only be aspects of his personality we still feel emotion of our own therefore I did not talk you into this, you are just as worried as I am. Also, I am not the one that dragged you along, _you_ dragged _me_ along," PD so astutely educated him, playing lookout for any and all signs of Ben. RD rolled his eyes and let the lecture flow into one ear and directly out the other seeing as it held no interest for him. Like hell was he worried! He wasn't capable of being worried, annoyed on the other hand...

RD wasn't worried about Ben. _AT ALL._ That'd be stupid. And gross. He didn't have the patience to be worried. It was for sissies. Weaklings. People like PD. Yep. No worrying going on here, so sirree. Nada. Zip. Ziltch. No worries. Akhuna ma tata.

He was not worried because point one: Ben has the Omnitrix, point two: he was annoyingly resourceful and point three: that nice, lithe body of his with just enough muscle to be-

"Watch out!" PD yelped just in time for RD to dodge a pillar. "Ben is nice to think about, I know, but please do be sure not to crash," PD teased.

"Shut up, you motherfucking-"

"Pillar!"

RD swerved to find there was actually no pillar near them.

"-prissy son of a bitch."

"Hey, is that a vortex on the ceiling?" PD asked, pointing to the location of it.

"Yes. And that is Big Chill coming through it. I told you it was stupid to worry."

"He obviously set something off, he just came through a _vortex!"_

"He's obviously fine, dumbass!"

"BEN! Oh Ben! You're alright I hope? Didn't run into too much trouble? Inter-dimensional monsters are quite the threat if you go through random portals!"

"Shut up moron! You want the horde to know we're here?"

"Oops! Sorry!" PD apologized and covered his mouth with both hands.

"Yeah, because there'll be time for 'sorry' when we're getting KILLED!"

"Look out for that pillar!" Ben yelled.

"Fucking pillars and their getting-in-the-way bullshit," RD muttered as he yet again nearly avoided a crash. "AND THE FUCK IS WITH ALL THIS YELLING? YOU TO WANNA DIE?"

"But you're the one yelling now," PD pointed out.

"Fuck you! You started it!"

"So you end it," Big Chill demanded. Both Dexter's shivered as the temperature dropped a few degrees due to his close proximity. "What are you doing here?"

"It's our fucking lab, we can do whatever the hell we want!"

"We realized we forgot to tell you where the filing cabinets are so we got worried that you might run into trouble wandering-"

"I was NOT worried."

"-so we decided to come-"

"You _nagged_ me to come here."

"-and assist _despite_ the danger that may or may not be waiting for us here." PD finished with a pleased smile.

"At least I thought to bring weapons," Rd grumbled.

"Nah, don't worry, with me around you won't even need 'em!" Ben proudly boasted. PD was awestruck and beyond smitten, however RD...

"Thin with something besides you ego, shit-for-brains."

...was not so impressed. And so the trio set off into the sunset...

Joke. They just made a short and uneventful trip to where the filing cabinets are. "This is where they are? Dammit I was so close!" Ben whined.

"Goody for you. You want a medal for that non-achievement?" RD drawled in a voice so dry somewhere in the world, a desert went through a drought. Meanwhile PD was searching through the labels on the drawers to find the RSS blueprints. But upon finding it...

 ** _'Uh-oh...'_** he thought **'this isn't good. Not good at all.'**

"What's taking so long? Too complicated a job for ya?" RD complained. PD turned to him and handed over a slip of paper as if he were a reluctantly dead man handing the Grim Reaper a signed death certificate. "This isn't what we were looking for," RD stated pulling a face and grinding his teeth. In a small voice a rather pale PD requested "Read it."

Rolling his eyes RD snatched the paper out of PD's hands and went red with rage an he finished reading it. "THAT STUPID-" he started to yell at the top of his lungs before PD clamped a hand over RD's mouth, now it was just muffled screeching.

"What?" Ben asked, having transformed into his very human self. Still holding RD's mouth shut, PD handed him the loose-leaf.

 **DEAR DEXTER**

 **I WAS BORED AND I DECIDED TO MAKE A SCAVENGER HUNT!**  
 **SO I BORROWED YOUR BLUEPRINTS FOR THE THINGY AND HID IT!**  
 **IF YOU WANT THEM BACK, JUST FOLLOW TH CLUES!**

 **LOVE,**  
 **DEEDEE**

"Does she do this often or...?" Ben puzzledly asked.

However there was no time to get an answer, and RD's shouting had attracted the horde of robots who came speeding in all screeching REVENGE. PD and Ben made for a retreat, but RD, still in a rage, saw no reason to to so and went rushing in with a hand sized lazer pistol and started blindly shooting, sometimes hitting the mark most of the time not, but he hadn't a care in the world, all he was thinking about was the many different ways he was going to maim his sister with his bare hands.

"-that insolent, rotten piece of-" he raved through the violence until there was so much of it he could no longer be heard between retaliating shots. Ben had to physically _drag_ him to the hover craft and shove him on-board, and even then he continued with his onslaught as they flew off. "-fucking annoying, destructive, useless-" Ben and PD just ignored him and let him blow off steam. Better that than have him blow up on them.

"So what was the first clue? I lost the paper," Ben asked.

"Old foes are sometimes allies," PD answered him grimly.

 _"Mandark."_ RD growled.


	3. III: We (don't) have cookies on the dark

" _I_ say, screw going over to _Susan's_ house and go directly to the source! We should go find DeeDee and _squeeze_ the information out of her!" RD ranted and raved, like he's been doing since they found the note. And Ben thought Dexter could go on and on _before_ he got split in two!

"She's just gonna tell us to follow the clues, RD. She's playing a game," Ben countered, oh-so-helpfully pointing out the obvious.

"Ohhh just let me at her, she'll get talking!" the _tiny red-headed scientist_ threatened. How so much straight-up aggression could fit into such a small person, Ben could not comprehend.

"Why are you so eager to get the blueprints back, anyway? I thought you didn't want to change back, I mean, _you're_ the one that blew up the RSS after all."

"I don't, Ben! You think I _like_ being stuck with that annoying whimp with his constant _'empathy'_ and _'compassion'_ and... _'politeness'_?" he practically spat the word out like an offended spitting-cobra "It's the _principal!_ She took my shit! Who even _does that?"_ he continued, defensively crossing his arms over his chest as if the turn-out of this _whole_ escipade depended on how aggressively he could do that.

"Uhm... I'm pretty sure _you_ would. You _are_ the rude version of Dexter, after all, and even normal Dex was known to just take things every now-and-again if he needed it for an invention," Ben said, as if he were sudenly and spontaniously appointed DeeDee's lawyer after she was suddenly and spontainiously put on trail.

"First; I _may_ only be an alter-ego, but I _am still_ Dexter, and I do not apprechiate being talked about like I'm not here, _especially while you're talking directly to me._ And, secondly," RD made a show of sticking out his middle-fingers in the universal gesture of **'go fuck yourself'** thereby proving that he can be even more petulant than previously throrised.

Ben sighed/groaned and rolled his eyes, a.k.a. the universal gesture for **'done with your shit'.** "What's the plan, anyway? You forgot to tell me inbetween all the threats and complaints."

...Did I forget to mention that they were on their way to Mandark's? I have a feeling that minor detail might have slipped away somewhere along the line. Oops?

Moving swiftly forward, it was decided that Ben and RD would go look for the second clue minus a somwehat unhappy polite alter-ego because if an _extremely nice_ Dexter would raise suspicion, two Dexters would probaly do that even more so.

"What else? Carefully look for anything that stands out until I completely lose the capacity to give a damn; _then_ we wreck the place."

Standing in the middle of the street on his way to the Astronominovs' house, at this specific point in space-time, the wielder of the Omnitrix tought _now_ might be a good time to ask himself _what exactly_ he expected to get in response. "How predictable of you," he muttered under an exhale of breath.

"...Ex- _cuse me?"_ RD sputtered, his voice cracking on the last syllable.

"See? I knew you'd act all offended!" Ben teased, devilishly.

"Oh, and Mr. Forever-Polite _isn't?"_

"Well I didn't expect him to manipulate you into coming after me when I went to look for the blueprints."

"I went because I wanted to, not because he said so!"

" _You_ said he _dragged you along_ ," Ben like, sort-of quoted, a shit-eating grin plastered to his face.

"He did! _But_ I still-! ...I mean... it was still my- I don't have to explain _shit_ to you!" RD very cleverly retorted. Obviously he has mastered the usage of witty replies. You're sharp as a razor, buddy-boy. Quick as a whip (I mean, technically he _did_ reply almost instantaniously...). Ben started chuckling at the red-head as he continued to try and find something else to point the spot-light on; but just eventually deteriorated into a fulstered and sputtering mess.

Seeing no way out anyway, RD prompted to shove Ben in the shoulder with a little more force than needed before storming on ahead.

"Knew you were gonna do that, too!" Ben hollered after him good-naturedly, and jogged to catch up.

' _ **Why do I like that dick-head again?'**_ RD angerly and mentally grumbled.

 **-The Opposite Effect-**

"I still think we should just ask Mandark if he knows anything."

"Oh, c'mon Ben, _live_ a little,"

" _Uhm? Hello?_ Weilder of the Omnitrix? Saviour of the universe, and probably others? I'm pretty sure I've lived more than anyone else."

"Wow, rude. Even I know how much a person has 'lived' is subjective. For shame, Benjamin. For _shame,_ " RD replied monotonusly, typing away on one of Mandark's computers, tounge sticking out the side of his mouth as a side-effect of focusing on not leaving a trail of destruction for once. "I. Can't. Find. Shit," he grumbled.

"Well... what exactly are you looking for on there? Maybe that's the problem?" Ben suggested, hopefully.

"I hacked the system and downloaded a program to scan surveilance at a hyper-sped-up rate for any traces of DeeDee in or around Susan's house and lab as far back as six months ago (seeing as _Susan_ apparentlydoesn't keep record any farther back) and I'm also speed-reading his digital journal because of course he'd mention anything significant there. As it turns out, he mentions her _so much_ that finding anything relevant is next to impossible, the infatuated fool."

"Maybe DeeDee gave the clue to Mandark himself. Then she wouldn't need to come anywhere near his place," Ben speculated.

"Hence, reading his journal."

"Yeah, but I get the feeling that there's more to the clue she gave than looking through a bunch of files on a computer. The whole _'Old foes are sometimes allies'_ part and all," Ben murmered the last part because he'd suddenly developed a mild itch on the back of his head and deemed it important enough to scratch.

"I'm pretty sure there's nothing to it. Mandark and I are old enemies and we've occasionally worked together. Point blank. End of the show. I am quite secure in the thought that DeeDee does _not_ have the capcity to design complex clues with deeper meanings." RD (quite long-windedly) scoffed.

Ben heaved an exasperated sigh. "Whatever you say, Dex,".

Several moments passed with them just going about their business. That is, until RD decided it was time to _break it._ "Well Benjamin, the time has finally arrived," he stated.

"What are you taliking about?" he asked. Horribly confused at this sudden statement, he looked over to the monitor the scientist was currently working on to notice it was currnetly a very angry shade of red and displayed the very alarming sentice **ACTIVATE SELF DESTRUCT SEQUENCE?** In large bold lettering. Before RD could give the command to start, however, Ben took it upon himself to _pull_ the aggressive little gnome's hands off the keyboard with almost inhuman speed. "Maybe _not_ go that extreme?"

RD looked back at him with a highly exagerated 'what the fuck' expression and challenged him with: "And what are _you_ gonna do about it, _Mr. Superhero?_ Go alien and kick my ass?"

" _No,_ but I can always go Spider-monkey, web you to a wall and leave you there for a few hours."

And so the stare-off started. Weilder of the Omnitrix and teenaged super-hero versus rude alter-ego boy(or rather also teenaged)-genius. Both sincere in their respective threats and stubborne as donkeys. Unstoppable force against immovable object. One _had_ to cave, but neither would do so anytime soon. Their glares were mutually severe and unbliking, aimed directly into one-another's eyes, squaring off like a pair of animals sizing each other up.

Now, were in the world, throughout all these events, was Mandark (you may or may not be asking)? Well, you see, he's been standing in the room's doorway for quite a while now, silently observing this exchange of aggressive hand-holding and intense glaring, feeling a little awkward, confused and as if he's just quite rudely interrupted something he should not have. He really wanted to leave -truly, he did- but he could not stop himself from being enraptured by the sheer degree of intensifying intensity. He honest to god thought their eyes would catch fire at some point from extreme heat exposure. It was a contest that warrented sweat on the brow and excessive nail-biting in anticipation of how it would conclude. A competition to rival all competitions.

Mandark checked his watch. _**'I've been standing here for fifteen minutes and neither of them have moved the slightest bit. They haven't even blinked!'**_ He looked up at them again. _**'Exactly how long have they been standing like that before my arrival?'**_

No-one _really_ knows, Mandark. _No-one._

About another minute passed before it was decided that this was getting a little ridiculus, and Mandark -starting to get a little annoyed now- spoke up and made his presence known. " _What_ are you doing in my laboratory?" he demanded indignantly, with that nasal voice of his.

Ben was startled, but did not release RD's hands as he half-way snapped his neck with how quick he turned his head towards Mandark. RD, in his usual fasion, whipped out a _"None of your goddamn bees-wax, Susan!"_ like an old-west gunslinger, completely disregarding that it probably is (depending on your social standings).

"Then get out!" Mandark demanded, raising to his hackles. Honestly, these idiotscome on to his turf and act like they own the place. The _nerve_ of them, I _swear._

"We're looking for a something DeeDee might have left here for us," Ben said, completely overlooking the poisonous looks being shot his way from both scientists and plowing on into explaination.

"Ah, my dearest DeeDee! Tragically she hasn't been here in months at the very least, so I don't see how she could have left _you_ anything _in my lab,_ " he emphasised. "Please _leave._ "

"When was the last time she spoke to you? Maybe she... told you something? That might be helpful?" Ben tried, going on a hunch PD had mentioned to him earlier.

"Last week she came up to me, said ' _have some cookies!'_ louder than necissary and shoved a bag of fortune cookies into my arms," Mandark swooned. "The fortunes within them were quite odd, however..." his face pulled into a puzzled frown.

"You're probably just too fucking dense for it to make sense," RD grumbled, feeling the need to add his two cents. "What were on them, then," he demanded instead of asking. Mandark glared at him.

"Nothing I'm telling to _you!_ " he retorted.

"Listen asshole-" RD started to threaten before Ben clamped a hand over his mouth. "What about me? Would you tell me?" he questioned.

"Why should I?"

"Because... I stopped Dexter from activating the self-destruct?"

"You still aided him in breaking into my lab! He was reading my journal!" expressed Mandark, gesturing to the monitor behind them.

"I'll still blow the place up, fucking try me!" RD intimated, finally freeing himself of the hold he was in by licking Ben's hand (old classic right there).

"I'd like to see you try, Dexter!" Mandark fumed quite loudly, hands balling into shaking fists at his sides.

This was obviously escalating onto something unneeded, and Ben -kind of caught between the two scientists but also pushed to the sidelines- was trying very hard to to find a solition. But really, it was sort of like watching two giraffes fight it out. Oddly mesmerizing, even if you do feel like something should be done to stop it just because of how bloody bizzare it looks. The quote-on-quote ' _saviour of the universe'_ would like to say that he reacted appropreately when RD moved to _give the command_ and Mandark tackled him to the ground, thereby starting physical fight -but in reality it took him a few seconds before he caught up with what was happening. Luckily they were rolling around on the ground more than throwing fists.

"Oh c'mon guys!" he lamented, before dailing the Omnitrix and turing into Spider-monkey. From there it was just a matter of _somehow_ separating them long enough to web them down to any available flat surface.

"Unleash me, you ape!" Mandark raged, trying and failing to wiggle himself out of his postion on the wall, about a metere above the ground.

"Ben get your ass over here so I can kick it!" I'm sure you can guess who that was.

"I'll let you go, on the condition that you tell me what was on those fortunes," Spider-monkey bargained in that very shrill voice of his.

"Fine! But then you leave, and you take that _pompus lummox_ with you!"

"You got a deal," Ben almost finger-gunned at him.

"The fortunes were basically puzzle pieces that form a map. I put them together but I couldn't make sense of it. I threw it away but I'm sure you already found the digital copy in my journal," the Astronominov boy explained, exasperated.

Spider-monkey turned to Rude!Dexter, still stuck to the floor by layers and layers of webs.

"Yeah I found it, I just thought it was a piss poor excuse for an attempt at abstract art," he grumbled in reply, eternally salty.

"Did you make a copy?" The freaky-ass blue spider-ape practically croaked out because that voice of his is cracky as fuck.

"No, I thought I'd respect Susie's privacy just this once. I copied the entire damn journal, who do you think _I am?"_

 **-The Opposite Effect-**

"You two are finally back! And... is hewrapped in webbing?" PD questioned as the two-man aggregation that is Ben and RD returned to the lab from their short but eventful misadventure.

"Yup," Was all Ben replied.

"Did you get the file?" RD very helpfully supplemented further.

"I did! I deleted the journal itself -let's not lower ourself to that level, shall we?- but I kept the map and, low-and-behold! I almot instantly recognised it!" PD excitedly informed.

" _You deleted the journal?_ " RD stressed.

"That doesn't matter, he figured out the clue," Ben stressed further.

"Oh big deal, so did I, he just _deleted years' worth of blackmailmaterial!_ "

"You figured it out _but didn't tell me?_ " Ben pouted, a little dishearted.

"You would have insisted on leaving before I had time to activate the self-destruct! Screw you for not letting me, by the way."

Ben shook it off. "What was the clue, PD?"

"A map leading from the laboratory enterance to DeeDee's room. I assume she wants us to go talk to her, and not search it though, so it might be a good idea to leave my rude alter-ego in his current predicament."


	4. IV: A Practice In Opposites

Turns out Deedee went to hang out with her friends at Leelee's house, so PD and Ben had to get a lift from Dexter's mom, sit in the back seat and listen to her go on about... Mom things? Of course, neither of them really payed her rambles much mind but - typically - PD payed enough attention to politely fake rapt attention, nodding and mumbling affirmatives where appropriate and nudging Ben to do the same when he was addressed. Fifteen minutes later and they've pulled up to the girl's house, greeted her parents and gotten shooed out the back door in as nice a manner as possible, only to find that what was supposed to be a few teens 'hanging out' was actually Leelee's birthday party that she had evidently invited her entire grade to.

"...Maybe we should just wait until Deedee come home to talk to her?It seems horribly rude to pop in on someone's birthday uninvited..." PD suggested, looking for all intents and purposes like he'd rather swallow broken glass and spontaneously burst into flames than move a single inch off the back porch to start searching through the heard of adolescents that took up the entire back yard.

"I'm pretty sure Leelee won't even notice we're here." Ben reasoned before taking a step and immediately being swallowed whole as he moved into the crowd. Despite knowing it would be a futile effort for someone of his stature, PD stood on his toes to try and get a look over sea of heads.

" _Ben?"_ he called, only to realize that even _he_ could barely hear himself over the sheer combined volume of pop music and teenagers. Seeing few alternatives PD took a quick but deep breath, resolutely squared his shoulders and made his way forward. Moving through a large group of people as a short person is an _absolute nightmare_ ; no-one sees you and you're constantly being shoved, walked into or tripped over and it takes forever to get where you're going. By the time he caught up with Ben, PD was covered in sore spots form being elbowed, sweat from other people and felt even more uncomfortable than he initially predicted he would. Ben, by the looks of things, did not share his sentiments and was completely unruffled.

"I think I see her over there" the older boy pointed somewhere that was defiantly out of PD's line of vision before grabbing him by the wrist and somehow effortlessly gliding his way past everyone in the general direction Deedee seemed to be.

' _ **Oh, why didn't we just think to use a phone to speak with Deedee instead!'**_ PD lamented. But they were there already despite the _glaringly obvious_ and _preferable_ solution so they may as well get it over and done with.

Deedee, Leelee and Meemee were currently making use of the only little square of land not packed with other people by preforming an expertly choreographed synchronized dance routine. It was clear they'd put in a lot of practice. "I don't think I've seen my sister dance in ages! I've forgotten how happy she always looks when she does!"

"But don't you two see each other every day?"

"Mostly at breakfast and dinner if I'm being honest. We're usually off doing our own things and since she's gotten more serious about dance she doesn't really come down to the lab very often anymore." PD confessed. He smiled at her happily through out the entire number.

"Hi Dexter!" Deedee greeted when she caught up with the duo. "Hey you brought Ben, too! Hi Ben!"

"Oh, Deedee that was a marvelous performance! How long have you three been working on it? It looked like you've practiced quite a bit!" PD praised. Deedee - bright eyed and grinning from ear to ear - had opened her mouth with a reply at the ready when RD seemed to just apparate out of thin air next to her. "You're kidding right? I've seen better dance performances from new-born giraffes! I bet you three just half-assedly threw it together two minutes before you started." he commented scathingly.

Deedee frowned at him. "I see you went splitsies again, huh?"

"Oh, you can see? And here I thought you were born blind! I suppose that means you're just a klutz after all! Fuck, my bad." RD retorted and theatrically face-palmed.

"How'd you know where we were?" Ben asked.

"Deedee's diary, _duh._ "

"You read my diary?" said girl seethed.

"Not _my_ fault if you can't hide your shit adequately."

"Before this escalates any further," PD interrupted "would you kindly tell us where you hid the blueprints? I'd really rather get back to normal as soon as possible. Pretty, pretty please sister dear?" and oh, the face he pulled was just too sweet to say no to, and it was obvious PD knew it, too.

The ballerina made a show of thinking it over, head tilted and index finger tapping her chin, but the smile she was obviously trying to bite back made it clear she was already convinced. "Hmmmm okay! But you gotta play a game with me first!"

"But I thought we were already playing a game!" Ben wined.

"Aw, c'mon Ben! I finished setting that up a week ago! I'm bored with it now, just let me have some fun with this!" Deedee pouted.

"Oh for the love of god, let's just get it over with." RD conceded.

Deedee let out a 'whoop!' and motioned for the trio to follow her to a separated group of teens who'd started to sit in a circle. Clearly everyone had suddenly decided to revert back to the age of ten if that was anything to go by. "We're playing truth or dare. Play for the whole game and I'll tell you where I hid the 'prints!" the girl explained with vigorous enthusiasm.

"Really? That's what you wanna play?" RD moaned with a hard eye roll.

"Hey, it's an oldie but a goldie!" his sister teased.

"It's a _juvenile_ excuse to ask inappropriate personal questions in order fuel the gossip circle and make each other do _stupid_ crap!" _Ruder McRuderuderson_ snapped.

To stop the impending argument, Ben clapped his hand onto RD's shoulder. "We're in!" he agreed. And that, is how the trio ended up sitting knee-to-knee in a cramped circle on the dirt, while the birthday girl spun an empty soda-pop bottle in the center to force chance into choosing her victim for her.

The game started out _insufferably_ boring. Dares were pathetically tame _('touch your nose with your toes.', 'do a funny dance!')_ and truths were dry and dull at best ( _'what class do you hate the most?', 'what's your biggest fear?')_ but eventually as everyone got more comfortable they started taking bigger risks _('I dare you to lick the lid of that dumpster!', 'what's the worst thing you've ever thought of someone and who?')_. When Meemee's turn came chance decided it was none other than RD's turn to participate in the folly of mere mortals.

"Dare." he decided without hesitation, ensuring that he interrupted the girl as soon as she made to ask. Deedee waved her over frantically to whisper something at her friend. They both turned to him after nodding at each other and the malicious glint in their eyes made RD immediately regret his entire life.

"I dare you and PD to act like each other for the rest of the game!" Meemee blurted like she couldn't hold it in anymore, then she, Deedee and Leelee all burst into girlish giggles.

"Ha! Stupid girl! You can't dare two people at once!" RD retorted.

"You can if their the same person!" The three girls exclaimed in unison before falling back into their annoying titters. Next to him, Ben let out a snort and PD _'oooh'-ed_ in excitement. "Sounds like a fun exercise in creativity!" he agreed. RD was having none of it.

"Pass." He growled and leveled the girls with a hardened glare.

"Nu-uh! We all agreed at the start, no one gets to pass!" Deedee challenged. Around the group, random teens murmured their agreements. He may have been the rude alter ego, but - as he said before - he was _still Dexter_ and he had agreed to all conditions when they were made. Grinding his teeth RD forced out a strained ' _fine'_ before sort of just standing there like a lost puppy.

"...Well now what?" he demanded.

"Do something politely!" Meemee urged. Trying to keep his face from twitching RD took a long, deep, calming breath. "Then what would you suggest?" he asked, over enunciating each word as if he were speaking to an particularly slow toddler.

Deedee gave a heavily emoted gasp as if she'd just had the greatest idea in the history of _the world's greatest brain-farts._ "Ask Ben to kiss you!"

There came a chorus of 'oooh's and a choice few teens let out wolf whistles. RD did his best impression of of _Rudolf The Red-nosed Reindeer'_ s nose and the glare he sent Deedee's way promised nothing less than a _Mortal Kombat_ worthy death. Before he could blow his lid however...

"Don't we need Ben's consent for that?" PD quietly piped up. He, too, was concerningly red in the face but seemed no less enthusiastic about going through with it. He was just being his usual polite self.

"Nah, he's not being dared to do anything, he can just say no." Leelee assured.

"Wouldn't we sort of be putting him on the spot, though?" he continued.

"Well then, why not let Ben decide?" Meemee asked, exasperated, and gave a lazy gesture in in said boy's direction. Ben, who'd sort of been a daze throughout the whole argument, shrugged. "I'm down."

" _Alright!_ There you have it, then!" Meemee decided "I dare you both to ask Ben to kiss you the exact opposite way of how you'd do it in any other situation. _Go!_ "

"This is _redundant_! Why on _Earth_ would you think we're even capable of acting our opposites? We're alter-egos based on specific mannerisms, you useless, _empty-headed cu-!"_

"Have you tried?" Ben questioned.

"Of fucking course not!"

"Then we wouldn't really know, would we? We're a scientist we really should know better than to just assume something to be true without putting it to the test, don't you think?" PD reasoned. RD leveled him with a _**look**_ and from there they seemed to fall into some sort of alter-ego telepathy and if the respective and reactionary face journeys they went on were anything to go by it was the debate of an age. This went on for a full five minutes until some random dude yelled out _"just do the dare already!"_ and RD seemed to concede defeat. Polite Dexter 2, Rude Dexter 0.

RD turned to face Ben, _tried_ to relax his face and smile the nicest he could, although it looked more like he was just baring his teeth and would start growling at the brunette like an aggressive attack dog any second. "Ben," he squeaked, cleared his throat, and tried to make the next attempt sound less like he was in actual physical pain. "Benjamin. Would you," he lost his composure for a split second and grimaced before pulling himself back together "oh. So. Kindly," was ground out between clenched teeth in a mouth still clearly trying to smile, but failing gravely "mind. Kissing me?" he finally forced out, then added a clearly displeasured and hastened "please?" as an after thought. The relief was immediate and clearly visible. _He'd done it._ At some point some irrational part of him fully believed the _sheer effort_ it took to utter that sentience and not do so as a fantastic display of exceptional sarcasm would kill him but _so help him, unnamed force of the universe,_ he'd done it!

He was also so busy congratulating himself that he'd nearly missed the good natured "sure!" Ben threw his way and was caught _completely_ by surprise when Ben did, in fact, kiss him. It was chaste, over almost as soon as it started, and RD was present for exactly _none of it_. Nonetheless, the saying goes ' _fake it 'till you make it!'_ and RD flawlessly pretended to have his wits about him as he went back to sitting like he had before and acting like it had no effect on him whatsoever while he tried to slow his heart rate down to something that _didn't_ spell cardiac arrest in his near future.

While all of that was going down PD wracked his brain for the rudest possible way you could ask someone to kiss you. Do you _insult_ them? Passive-aggressively challenge them? _Order them?_ Everything he thought of either seemed like it wasn't _enough_ or something he just wouldn't be able to do. It was all in the name of fun and a game with per-determined rules and permissions, yes, but he should still be _reasonable_ about it, right? Right! He still shouldn't do something that he himself would be uncomfortable with. That being said, exactly what would he consider not-uncomfortable, but still relatively rude? He certainly wouldn't want to kiss someone after they've insulted him or arrogantly manipulated him into doing it. If they'd ordered him? He supposed it depended on the context. A game of truth or dare certainly qualified in that regard! It just felt so predictable though, and he didn't want to be boring about it. That left one option. _**'Well Ben did say he was up for it...'**_ PD reckoned.

When it was finally his turn to go through with the dare PD completely forwent any questions, demands, challenges and chances, grabbed Ben by the collar of his t-shirt, faked the cocky confidence his alter carried himself with and crashed their lips together before anyone knew what was happening. That, of course, lasted all of 0.2 seconds before the cat calling that followed the previous kiss came back twofold. He gave Ben absolutely no control and when he was done, gently but firmly pushed him away.

 _ **-The Opposite Effect-**_

"Okay! So! The blueprints, yeah?" Deedee started after everyone had collectively decided it was time for cake and presents, and after that the party was over so the four of them decided to walk home. "What's the second last place you'd think to look?"

"Oh, because last place you'd look is usually the first place," Ben deduced like it should have been obvious all along.

"It's in the lab somewhere isn't it? Of course you'd hide it in the lab. It's such a god awful idea _only you'd_ think of it." RD groaned.

"Where in the lab though? It _is_ big enough that we have an abandoned section after all." PD pointed out.

A beat of silence, and then: "I'd probably hide it in the computer if it was me. It's something you use every day, you know? S'funnier." Ben confessed.

"And _bingo_ was his _name-o!_ Mighty good a-sleuthing there, Mr. Detective-defender-of-the-universe!" Deedee congratulated. "This was _nice!_ I _missed_ messing with your stuff," she teased and ruffled both Dexters' hair before dancing her way up to the front door of their house.

" _That's_ why you did all this? _Nostalgia?_ What the _fuck, Deedee, get back here!"_ RD hollered after her in disbelief. She winked and blew a raspberry at them before dissapearing into the house.

 **AN: *throws chapter out of open car window*** _See you again in_ _another 8 months, motherfuckers!_ _I'm really sorry it took so fuckin long have some kissies._


End file.
